Funny Alcohol Quotes

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George F. Burns

Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, It makes you lean;
Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.
~Samuel Johnson

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony.
~ Robert Benchley

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
~W. C. Fields

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
~W.C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
~ Frank Sinatra

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
~Frank Sinatra

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness – or so good as drink.
~Lord Chesterton

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
~W. C. Fields

No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
~H. L. Mencken

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
~Ernest Hemingway

Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
~Henny Youngman

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
~ William Butler Yeats

People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
~Ron White

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks
~ Joe E. Lewis

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
~ Joe E. Lewis

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
~Author Unknown

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.
~Raymond Chandler

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
~ Mark Twain

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.
~ Jean Kerr

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
~ Author Unknown

Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an Oxymoron.
~ Aaron Howard

Friends don’t let friends drink Light Beer

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony.
~ Robert Benchley